Parents Beware

Being a parent is hard work. If it isn’t hard, you probably are not doing it right. Unfortunately, none of us can do it completely correctly, but most of us can do it better than we are.

I think the mistake a lot of parents make, and that I make, is evaluating my kid's upbringing based on what I see them doing at any given moment. That sounds strange I know, but stick with me here. Why is that not a good indicator, you might ask. Well, simply stated, kids change. Their moods change. Their lives change. Consistency is not a word that goes with kids. Their phases and needs are radically different year by year and season by season.

So what is an accurate means of accounting for our parenting? I believe the best thing we provide for our children is a Biblical value-centered life that disciplines and encourages consistently. We need to evaluate our kid’s upbringing based on the principles we govern and lead them with. As kids change, so will our approach, but the principles and values we rely on to raise our kids must never change.

The issue in parenting is the parent. The child is a product of what we do and of what the Lord has for each child. Our job, as parents, is to partner with God in raising our children with our Biblical priorities in the hope of our faith in Jesus.

This does not mean we ignore the importance and usefulness of situational leadership as taught in Scripture. 1 Thessalonians 5:14 “And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” We would do well to hear and live out the fundamental expectations of parents in Scripture. 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 “For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, 12encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.”

In 2 Samuel 13 we see successful King David failing as a parent. D.A. Carson speaks to how similar the mistakes the priest Eli made, as a parent (1 Samuel 2:12-36) and the mistakes King David made with his children. Each of these dads chose to ignore their responsibilities with their children and their children paid the price for it. From birth on through adulthood, Eli and David provided poor leadership in their kid’s lives and refused to discipline them in the love and hope of the Lord.

Carson writes about David’s parenting.

The pattern of David’s life, juxtaposed with Eli’s but a few short chapters earlier, illustrates the kinds of disasters that befall families where the father, however loving, indulgent, godly, and heroic he may be, never holds his children to account, never disciplining them when they go astray. David’s failure with Amnon and Absalom was not a first: it was the continuation of a moral and familial failure begun when the boys were in diapers.

We must serve our children by living principled lives that lift our children’s expectations of themselves. We must discipline them, when they do not rise to the level of God’s desires and demands of them. We must remember that the child is a result of the parent. If we reverse that principle and make the child rather than the parent the issue, we will chase the wind and give inconsistent guidance.